Hello, this is the "Current"

If I were to give myself advice as I would to any friend or student that showed up in class or conversation asking the following question, I would have to give the following answer:

Question: If there is a place in my life that seems to continue to be stuck, stagnant and stubborn, no matter how much intentionality, coparticipation and awareness I throw at it, what do I do? There are other situations that seem to flow more smoothly, where I make a step towards my intention and it becomes manifest.

Answer: That's your clue. If you are on your true path, the Current will be more easeful. But if you are moving on a path that goes against your nature, then the Current will create obstacles that seem to congest your path at every turn.

I put it out there as my intention that I wanted to see my Saturday class build to 25 by the end of the year. Today I had 29 people, it rocked! I've been putting it out there, visualizing our family of 3 immersed in happiness and visualizing harmony in Matthew's and my relationship and all I keep getting is rocks in my way. I suspect that if I was a good student, I would notice that phenomenon and think to myself, huh, the Current is not smooth here, this path may not be the right one to be on.

As I said to Laura today in our pow wow after so many months of not seeing each other, it's a matter of not wanting to have to make the decision for action, because it's not what I want to do. The Universe wants you to want what you want. And I want Matthew to be a great partner to me, loving, respectful, supportive and happy. I want Matthew to be a wonderful father to Bija, to care for her well, not take this responsibility lightly. I want us to be a strong happy family. But just because I want that doesn't mean that the Current will flow easefully. It seems there are rocks in the path often and the ride is often bumpy but sometimes hazardous.

OLD FRIEND

The most recent entry in this thing, on this thing, in this thing...what do you call the thing that is virtual, that lives neither here or there but everywhere? Anyway, the most recent entry or the last entry was dated almost 3 yrs ago. I think to myself, what keeps someone away from an old friend so long? Old friend, so much time seems to have passed and so many things changed.

Nights are a new thing around here, at least quiet ones. It seems that these days Bija can sleep for her hour or so after I put her to bed without waking. Soon she'll have hit the hour and some change mark and I'll be in our room comforting her as she stands up in her crib, pulling herself all wrapped up in her burrito bundle holding onto the rail of the crib. It's so sweetly pathetic that scene of my small one, crying out, not fully awake. All she knows is that it's dark and she woke up alone and I guess that's enough to make anyone cry.

Bija is almost a year old. Wow. The first year of parenthood has flown by. I can still remember going into labor like it was yesterday, although I forgot the pregnant body heaviness which is not a bad thing. The small little girl born at 9.46pm on a Friday night like tonight. I think, at least that was a Friday night I can't complain that I was doing anything.

Things are so hard right now. What can I say old friend. You've heard it so often from me that I'm wondering what is this all about, this need to apparently choose the hard path?