What ails thee, beloved?

I should have asked, what ails thee, beloved?

Rage is our inheritance, it seems

Angry at the shackles placed upon 

our movements, the words we speak, how we dress

how and what we think

Someone always telling me, her, you 

that our voices are too loud or too meek

and to apologize every fucking time we speak 

I was raised on that diet of suffering

a meal plan of angry silence

whenever I dared to push, I'd be given 

his sides to thoughtfully consider

as proof, I had a hand in that ill-treatment

had no real claim to my own view

to consider that my sides were just as, if not 

more than qualified 

and should above all, be held in the highest regard

Beloved, if you had asked me,

I would have replied, what ails me 

are the shackles

I have yet to fully gnaw away from

and be free

Today

Today is a good day

the kind where everything seems to be in its place

the sun shining, warm breezes blowing

Today, I am not lacking love, time, peace of mind

joy or fullness

Today, I am in my bathrobe writing while the agent of change

dyes my hair closer to its original vibrant color and

I clip my fingernails so that my hands are pretty

and functional

I won't be tempted to claw away at imperfections on my skin

Today, the old animosities of past lovers relinquished

and some kind of truce surrendered to

Today, my child is vibrant, alive with hopes and dreams for herself

that will take her away from me

I am sure to tell her 

because it is surely true for me

it is as it should be

that she travels far to find the gold of who she is

I will watch her fly free from me

but now, I savor how it is for us

entwined and comingled

as she is growing

Today, my nephew's hair has started coming back post chemo

and I saw him laugh for the first time in a year

Today, my mom who is 77 is someone I want to call and stay close to

the old tension of sisterhood is a thing of the past

as my once sidekick and I again,

grow invariably closer

isn't that the promise of age?

Today, a relationship that I thought was like a rock in my throat

a weight on my back is so light

that I am sitting in pride with my ability to advocate for and cocreate

a peace worth living in

Today, the windows are open, and the birds' sweet trills resound for all to hear

Today

I am alive in this gift called

my life